I have some good news and bad news for you. Bad news first: Guy Fieri’s stolen Lamborghini has been recovered and will be returned to the noted ’90s aficionado shortly. Good news: The story behind the theft is kind of amazing.
As a quick refresher, in March of last year, a thief climbed onto the roof of the exotic car dealership where Fieri’s car was being stored, rapelled down into the showroom, cut the lock off the entrance, and drove the $200,000 sports car right out the front door. (You may remember that Anthony Bourdain had quite a bit of fun with the situation on Twitter.) For over a year, there was nothing. No news, no leads, bupkis. Then this week, the car was discovered in a nearby storage unit in the possession of a 17-year-old California high school student. The big break in the case came when the suspect allegedly fired five shots from a speeding black motorcycle at two of his classmates. The students, who were not seriously injured, were a girl the suspect supposedly had a crush on, and her boyfriend. Acting on information collected during the investigation into the shooting, police discovered Fieri’s Lamborghini in the storage unit along with the motorcycle and “other materials” used during the shooting.
Before I continue, let me first state that Warming Glow and the UPROXX family in no way condone burglary and/or attempted murder. Not even a little bit. That said, however, HOLY CRAP this story is bonkers. I mean, it has everything: exotic cars, an elaborate robbery involving rappeling, gunmen on motorcycles, unrequited teenage love. It’s like Fast & Furious crossed with Can’t Hardly Wait. Someone turn this into a movie immediately.
via SFGate
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Edit: I mean, it has everything: exotic cars, an elaborate robbery involving rappeling, gunmen on motorcycles, unrequited teenage love, and a clown.
I’m glad I’m not the only one who Steffonized it.
+1 Always down for a Stefon reference
You’d think police dogs could’ve tracked the scent of got2b Glued Blasting Freeze Spray emanating from the car.
I’m going to guess, based on my extensive movie knowledge and racism, that everyone involved was Asian. Also, someone involved was named Harry Lim. It is known.
Sure, it’s a Lamborghini, but with Fieri as the owner, you know it stinks of curly fries and barbecue farts.
I want to believe that Guy has a zesty ranch dip dispenser in his Lamborghini.
I want to believe that when the police showed up at the suspects house somebody thought to ask:
“Is this your homework Larry?”
You win!
I bet Guy’s Lamborghini has a special sunglasses holder built into the back of his headrest.
+1
So let’s get to casting.
Who plays Guy? Philip Seymour Hoffman could handle it, but somehow I suspect Guy is too much of a caricature for him to bother, like playing a real life version of poochi the rockin’ dog.
Two words: Jack Black.
Bobby Moynihan? Or is he too highbrow for the role?
Maybe they could do it in stop-motion and just dust off the old Heat Miser figurine.
I believe this image I created may be relevant here.
See, that’s why I come here. I’m thinking Poochi is pretty good, then Heat Miser comes up and I just know I’m wrong, then King Koopa–and now I’m torn.
FADE IN
INT. DINER – EVENING
PAUL WALKER and JAMES VAN DER BEEK, who have inexplicably been cast as teenagers again sit at a diner table slurping on milkshakes. PAUL has a crazy look in his eyes.
PAUL: I need to do something to get the attention of the clubs.
JAMES: Like, start a social network?
PAUL: No. I think I need to rappel into an exotic car dealership and steal some asshole celebrity’s $200,00 sports car.
JAMES: Who would have enough money to own a Lamborghini, but not enough money to park it in their mile long driveway?
PAUL: Food show celebrities. Then, also, I should get a gun and pull a drive-by-shooting on this girl that rejected me and that ass clown she’s dating.
Warming Glow and the UPROXX family in no way condone burglary and/or attempted murder.
But what if BOTH were directed at Guy Fieri?
THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS LARRY.
The kid’s defense lawyer would be in a perfect position to write the book and movie script, Danger.
I don’t know why, but I’d like him a hell of a lot more if this was his car:
[lammmorada.com]