Breaking Bad. The Wire. The Simpsons. Deadwood. Mad Men. The Sopranos. What do these so-called "greatest shows of all-time" all have in common? They're total crap compared to a new series that aired its first episode last night. I'd go so far as to say it's the greatest thing that's ever aired on TV: DOG WITH A BLOG.
We've been waiting for this moment since April, when the Disney Channel announced the show's general premise and, more importantly, THE FACT THAT IT'S CALLED DOG WITH A BLOG. It's already the official show of Warming Glow, and we will hear no arguments to the contrary. It's about a dog...with a blog. Boom.
Thanks to a helpful tweet from @sarah_sprague, we were reminded that last night was the series premiere. Obviously, I watched the whole thing, watched it again, watched it four more times, then took screencaps and wrote about it. Here are my findings, which can be summed up as: OMG.
DOG. The general premise of the show goes something like this: brother and sister fight, parents buy them a dog, dog has a blog and acts as the narrator, brother and sister discover dog can talk. That's about it. But most importantly, Dog with a Blog, who also goes by Stan, is one handsome devil.
Here's another angle. I'm going to Instagram him:
Yup. That's it.
OMG HE'S TALKING. (I mean, you can't really tell he's talking here because it's a picture, but rest assured, Disney used only the finest CGI pros, i.e. two homeless winos they found on the street named Rummy Joe and Thumbless Nick, to make Dog with a Blog's mouth move.)
Dog with a Blog having a blog does not factor into the plot of the show at all. The kids never discover he can type, only that he can talk. It's never established who he's writing the blog for. Is it for people or other dogs? Are there dogs all over the world using our computers at night? ARE THERE DOGS READING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The show really should be called Dog with an Amazing Ability to Speak, but who'd watch that crap?
This is the greatest show of all-time. Dog with a Blog is the new Spuds MacKenzie, but with extra spuds.
And a blog.
I'm not sure why when Dog with a Blog's ear touches a stolen chop, it looks like a solar flare, but I do know that the little girl to the right has a profitable career in exaggerated reaction shots awaiting her.
If the show ever wants to go EDGY, they should redo this scene so that Dog with a Blog still leaves a paw print, but it turns blue, a la Blue's Clues, and then he flips the camera off. HE'S ONE RUFF POOCH. That would be the Internet's most popular non-bannister sliding GIF for at least a month. And if you're wondering how a dog would be able to lift his middle finger, you clearly haven't seen enough Dog with a Blog.
Dogs should not roll their eyes.
Nor should they smile like a stoner listening to "Dark Star."
The way the show gets Dog with a Blog to make his facial reactions is terrifying: it's clearly a human face CGI'd over that poor dog's mug, which is one step away Island of Dr. Moreau-level creepy.
See. Hella creepy. Also: why yes, that little girl does have her tie tucked into her pants.
"What'd you say, jefe?"
Look at this while listening to this:
ROBODOG, is something I'd watch.
Dog with a Noir.
HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA who'd loan a dog a blowtorch?
"You barkin' to me? You barkin' to me? You barkin' to me? Then who the hell else are you barking...you barking to me? Well, I'm the only one here." — Robert Dog Niro.
I'll let this picture speak for itself (whether it's saying MISERY or ORGASM is up for you to decide).
If you're thinking, "That dog sure looks like he's masturbating," you're not far off. The pilot episode of Dog with a Blog ends with Dog with a Blog uploading that photo, then saying, "Now for my own little doggy treat." His gift to himself: a website called "Hot Poodles." So, yes, what this show for kids is implying is that Dog with a Blog is going to jizz all over that computer. And the only way to respond to that mental image is...
Oh, Dog with a Blog.
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Waiting on Disney to make the actual blog.
Heh! See Stan Blog. How many stoners had their minds blown with that one?
After Dog With A Blog, stay tuned for Puppy Lawyer! Originally I thought Puppy Lawyer should be about a lawyer defending puppies, but now I think it should be about a puppy who’s a criminal defense attorney. A puppy wearing a suit and tie would be ratings gold. Also he should have a briefcase that he keeps doggie treats in.
Hey, hey, hey! The only person that gets to pitch show ideas around here is Danger, everyone knows that.
Puppy Lawyer was optioned by NBC last week, guys.
The first show made for no better reason than a rhyming title
Well, at least they didn’t use a dog face with a cut out mouth hole to show him talking.
Watched this this AM with my 8yo. This is almost the worst piece of shit I can recall ever having seen on TV. EVER. Sorry if I lose my UPROXX card because of this, but seriously. Just horrible. I wasn’t even trying to watch it ironically – just hanging with my daughter on a lazy Saturday. I feel bad for everyone involved. Sloppy acting, terrible effects, awful script, retarded premise that is handled utterly halfheartedly.
But he’s a dog…WITH A BLOG.
Sloppy acting, terrible effects, awful script, retarded premise that is handled utterly halfheartedly.
Read more: [www.uproxx.com]
You just described every Disney show ever.
all hail the greatest show in history
I’d rather watch Blog with a Dog, about a guy who gets turned into a sentient website. The twist is that he still has to find ways to take care of his pet dog. How does a blog buy dog food, or walk a dog, or take a dog to the vet’s? COMEDY ENSUES!!!
Beth Littleford was never the best TDS correspondent, but this is just cruel.
I watched this……nothing unusually stupid……
The little sister is good….she’ll be the next Clair Danes or Kirsten Dunst….
Dog isn’t a Corgi? Don’t care.
Information from an “insider” from the Disney show.
Here are the facts kids! Disney is trying to trick the public by slowly replacing the hundreds of press images of Kuma and slipping in new images of Mick. Easiest way to tell the difference between the two dogs is that Kuma is about 15 lbs smaller and his left (brown ear) is raised and arched. Micks left ear (the brown one) lies all the way down flat. Mick also has a much darker nose.
Just a little FYI – Kuma and Mick both started out as light blond dogs and were both dyed the brown and black colors to portray “Stan.”
Disney does not want people to know that Kuma was fired in haste simply because the owner wanted to be able to chose her replacement if she fell ill. Disney wanted to force it’s own trainers to be able to take Kuma to the set (without the owner present at all). Basically Disney thought of Kuma as a live prop they wanted to rent!
Beware: A Disney rep patrols the Wikipedia pages on their show and added in all the ‘citation needed’ from the blurb above. But the information all 100% true and accurate.
The fact is, Kuma played the title role in every single scene of “Dog with a Blog” for the first five episodes of the show, starting with “Stan of the house” Episode #1″.
I read several articles that Kuma was chosen out of a large casting which looked at hundreds of Hollywood’s finest trained dogs. They chose Kuma because of his ability to do hundreds of tricks on cue and because of his years of set experience.
Have you seen Kuma in his role as ‘Marlowe’ on “Cop Dog?” I mean how could they not chose that dog? He’s pure talent!
It is said that Kuma’s owner felt the dog was really overworked on the set. The word is the owner was also grossly underpaid. The Disney producers made Kuma work 12 to 14 hours a day and expected him to perform like a robot.
I read that the owner was concerned for Kuma’s health and tried to put a few contractual stipulations (as noted above) in place to protect him. In the middle of episode 3 Kuma had suffered a violent seizure on the set because of all the stress the show was causing him.
Kuma’s owner said she need to pull him from the show for his safety or until there were new guidelines in place that would protect him. The animal company Disney hired for the show, responded to Kuma’s owner by sending her a termination letter firing Kuma.
From that point on they then started using Mick for the remainder of the show. The poor dog had never done a single job before and had hardly stepped foot on set. People will notice a BIG difference in the two dogs performance levels, as Kuma was one of the top dog in the industry and performed many of his tricks while on the show.
Everyone involved with the show knows what went on, but Disney being Disney is trying to maintain their squeaky clean, animal-friendly persona and doesn’t want anyone to know that the owner quit because her and Kuma were treated so poorly.
They have been brain washing the cast members to never ever make mention of Kuma in any of their press interviews. The poor kids are so coached on what to say they are practically little mindless robots.
So Parents…. I have seen first hand on how show biz corrupts. Do not try to get your kids or your dogs into show biz. It’s too much of a dog eat dog world. – Pun intended.
Sincerely,
Kuma’s Fan
I’ll say it again, Danger needs to review COP DOG immediately!
(also, thanks for being crazy, crazy dog fan)
Dude, everyone is crazy. There is no such thing and sane!
This blog is stupid, dog with a dog is, and always has been the stupidest show of all time and is, and never will be compared with the greatest shows of all time, this is probably the worst show aired by disney channel.
*dog with a blog