NBCUniversal announced today that it is rebranding G4 as the Esquire Network. This means two things, primarily: First, it means that beginning April 22, the cable channel will undergo a dramatic shift in programming, moving away from the gaming and geek culture focus of G4 toward a more Esquire-y focus on men and the things men do and like. Second, it means big shot TV executives are throwing around phrases like “an upscale Bravo for men” and “what being a man today is all about” and “what makes men tick,” which should set off thousands of alarm sirens in your head. I mean, “an upscale Bravo for men” alone sent me into DEFCON 3. What does that even mean? I’m terrified.
Luckily, they provided a little clarification.
Specifically, NBC is hoping to capture a more educated, affluent, sophisticated male viewer, who is not being served, as its research concluded, by the male-oriented, nonsports programming on cable channels like Discovery and Spike. “Much of today’s programming targets men in a one-dimensional way,” Mr. Stotsky said, with what he called “down-market shows” about “tattoos or pawn shops or storage lockers or axes or hillbillies.” [NY Times]
Okay, first of all, as an educated, affluent, sophisticated male viewer, let me state for the record that there are not NEARLY enough shows on television about axes, and I resent the implication that there are. There should be a whole network devoted to axe-related programming, if only for headlines like “Axe Network Axes Reality Axe Show.” I am passionate about this.
Anyway, the article goes on to say that the network plans to air shows like Knife Fight, “a reality competition about ‘after-hours cook-offs’ among young chefs,” and reruns of programs already owned by NBCUniversal. For example:
Two comedies that will appear are in the category of more sophisticated recent comedies, he said. One, “Parks and Recreation,” is owned by NBC and still on the broadcast network. It will get its first cable exposure on the Esquire Network.
The other, “Party Down,” about young caterers, achieved some cult status when it played on the cable network Starz three years ago.
If this network airs nothing but reruns of Parks & Rec and Party Down, and cooking shows with titles like Knife Fight, maybe it won’t be that bad after all. Although one axe show couldn’t hurt. Just sayin’.
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I’m so glad that some TV exec is here to explain to me what being a man is all about.
Although, they could run nothing but “Me in My Place” videos and I would withdraw all commentary.
Soooo, can we expect shows about slim-fit suits and the art of picking the right socks to go with your tie?
Don’t forget the 3 part mini series on “What books to put on your bookshelf”
“Make sure you have your Malcom Gladwell and Michael Lewis books, to show her you are a business oriented guy, a shelf designated to books on leadership from coaches and a book about Poker, for an added touch put a book of poetry randomly in the mix, it will look like you actually read it, but not like you are trying to show off”
And don’t forget the two-hour special on where to stick your driving gloves. [www.esquire.com]
Well you will always have Spike they are the Axe Body Spray Channel… What not the same thing?
Throw in some Maxim, and you’ve got something!
“Tony Bourdain Is Doing Cocaine Again” and I’m in.
nbc owns telemundo. have you seen what they put on at noon on saturdays? no subtitles needed.
When they say “more sophisticated” I feel like they mean “douchebag”
“How to pick the best glasses /scarf combo for summer”
About once a year I make the mistake of picking up a copy of GQ or Esquire. It’s an interesting voyage into the gay closet and the metrosexual parlor.
“Which $600 pair of sunglasses goes best with those $400 shoes?”
The good thing is no guy i know is into videogames or technology! So good riddance to X-Play and AOTS!
1000 Ab Workouts to Die for
So by “The Esquire Network” they really mean “The Adam Scott Network”?
Fine by me.
“The Low-Cal Calzone Zone Show”
I don’t think Adam Scott will be doing that show after the calzones betrayed him last week.
In all seriousness, what network is going to air the original version of Ninja Warrior now?
NBC.
It will be thier new Thursday Night Line up two hours of Ninja Warrior book ending an hour of Whitney
How to prepare a bowl of spiderwebs for your man servant.
Or, which pimp cup is best for your Pimm’s Cup.
Which vacuum cleaners provide the highest level of suction with the lowest level of risk.
When I think “Underserved in today’s society,” my mind jumps straight to “rich white dudes.”
Finally a channel made exclusively to have on in the background while the rich white male network execs do coke and pat eachother on the back.
Or Guy Fieri
I am super surprised it’s not going to be an all Entourage network.
I had no idea Parks & Rec was aimed at the more sophisticated, affluent man. Apparently, thats me.
/scratches ass
/dick joke dick joke dick joke
GIVE CHARLIE PIERCE HIS OWN SHOW. TV GOLD, HE WILL BE.
^^ TAKE ALL OF MY CABLE DEVELOPMENT MONEY
They had me at Knife Fight, then lost me at “after-hours cook-offs.”
Is it just me, or is this TV exec right?
they couldve added all these adam scott shows without canceling all their original programming. the term ‘upscale’ makes no sense, especially comparing it to bravo, which is total hogwash trash now
All they really had to do was remove a few of the 18 hours of cops they run every day.
Esquirte is a magazine for men? I thought it was for women to set their impossibly high standards.
Thank god another cooking show. Unless these guys do a bunch of blow at the start of each episode I think I’ll pass.
Cool idea, bro.
This channel sounds like it would be perfect for me but I might be too busy to watch because I have to return some videotapes.
Make it Monkey Knife Fight and they can have my entire change jar.
I’d Rather watch an all ape re-enactment of the civil war!
Or an all human re-enactment of the real houswives of anything
Which do you think would be easier to produce?
Tough call, one is hairy, smelly, and throws shit everywhere and the other is an ape.
I just went out and bought a 40 so I could pour it out for AOTS. It’s a god damn mess in here.
BUT WHERE WILL I GET MY SARA JEAN UNDERWOOD AND CANDACE BAILEY FIX?!?!! I mean other than google image search. I like to at least pretend I’m not a creep…
I’m really hoping Sara Underwood makes the jump. I mean, guys like her, right? Sophisticated upscale guys? They could bring in Cere from 30 Rock too now that it’s over. They could do a show together called “We kind of look alike so lets make out!” And it would be amazing. Damn, I should be a TV exec.
Geez, I’m waiting for her to not make the jump and have no other choice but to pose nude again. Let’s get with the program here.
So they’re switching from Upskirt to Upscale? What a tremendous fail.
Dispatch from the future!
“NEW YORK, May 23, 2013 /PRNewswire-USNewswire/ –NBCUniversal announced today that Community will be moving from NBC to the new Esquire Network as a cornerstone of its new prime time schedule….”
“30 Rock resurrected from dead and heading to Esquire Network. It joins Community and Parks & Recreation to re-unite the best 90 minutes of television in history.”
The last couple of sentences of this post gave me a show idea: Ron Swanson is an axe murderer whose catchphrase before killing a person is “Are we having fun yet?”
Wasn’t there already a channel aimed at this same demographic that had shows about yachts, wine and expensive clothes? Whatever happened to that one?
Robin Leach died.
Beat me to it. Rats.
This is a channel that I will not be watching.
I don’t know re-runs of Parks and Rec and Party Down? What’s next they’re going to get the Arrested Development syndication deal from IFC? if they include re-runs of Better Off Ted and Archer I don’t know if I’ll need my Netflix subscription anymore.
Yeah, everything about this channel sounded horrible until the part about which shows were going to be on it, at which point it started to sound awesome.
I feel like the perfect logo for this channel would be Adrian Grenier’s face
A channel to convince you how much you’re not a man unless you buy some more shit!
Someone should axe* them to think about your show idea, Danger.
*I’m sure someone already did this, but tl;dr with the comments.
I thought there were already late night cooking competitions called ‘Iron Chef’ reruns?
My emotions:
DDDDD !!!!!!!
“rebranding G4 as the Esquire Network” –> #$*&#$!
“what being a man today is all about” –> #$*&#$!
“shows like Knife Fight” –> !!!!!
“after-hours cook-off” –> #$*&#$!
Smiley fail –> #$*&#$!
“NBC is hoping to capture a more educated, affluent, sophisticated male viewer”
Protip: If a press release has to use four adjectives in a row, they have no idea what they are f*cking talking about.
Now does this mean DirecTV will put this network back on its schedule? And what is the fate of “Ninja Warrior?” WHERE WILL I SEE ATTRACTIVE GIRLS TALK ABOUT GAMES NOW? And something about “Cops.”
That about covers all of my emotions on G4.
“Anyway, the article goes on to say that the network plans to air shows like Knife Fight, “a reality competition about ‘after-hours cook-offs’ among young chefs,”
That is both the most exciting and most disappointing sentence on the interwebs.
Isn’t Esquire that group of mincing poofs that fag up every profile of a gorgeous woman.
So, shall we begin the countdown for Community to make the move?
Parks and Party Down, sweet. I had been apprehensive, but I’m very much down with this, if that’s what “sophisticated upscale male-oriented programming” means.
It’s definitely a good idea to plan your network around re-runs of low rated shows.
Esquire probably sees “Parks and Rec” as the “Tom Haverford Show”