From a superficial, lazy perspective, Workaholics doesn’t teach us anything we didn’t already know. Being an office drone sucks, and there’s nothing better than unwinding after a hard day of working with your best buds and maybe even your Juggalo family. But deep down, Workaholics is one of the most educational shows on television, thanks in part to the daily vocabulary lessons that the show’s main characters, Adam, Blake, and Anders, deliver to us when most of us don’t even know it.
“What kind of vocabulary lessons?” the goodie-goodie in the front of the class asked without even raising her hand. If they’ve done anything well, Adam, Blake, and Ders have taught us plenty of new words, some that we might use in our daily vernacular and others that are likely saved for more intimate occasions, among friends, because they’re, how you might say, offensive as all hell.
To celebrate the show’s return for its fourth season tonight on Comedy Central, I’ve put together this A-Z list of some of the best words that Workaholics has created or altered for the sake of making the English language so much better for everyone. This list is hardly complete, so please, my friendship family, add to it in the comments.
Strange things can happen on an acid trip, man, and that’s why you shouldn’t do drugs at all. My drug? GIFs of adorable animals skateboarding. Besides, when you do use LSD, your mind can be easily influenced to try strange, random things like picking up that hammer over there and using it to play William Tell with a friend, by tossing it across the room to knock that apple off his head. Except there’s no apple and no friend, and that hammer you just threw crashed through the window of a police cruiser and now you’re in jail. That’s an acid-dent.
A simple, subtle term for the act of fellatio, but primarily used by more juvenile males and predominantly high school students. Once a young man has matured, he’ll use a more adult turn like “beej” or “hummer.” It’s remarkable how much language can evolve over the course of a few years.
No doubt you and your closest friends have said something stupid. Chances are at least one of you has said something to piss the others off today, and if that hasn’t happened yet, it will soon enough. But don’t get pissed off and fight for no reason. Instead, Chop your friend to let him or her know that you don’t appreciate a moment of stupidity. All you need to do is make your hand flat and swing it at the person’s neck like a brutal karate chop. Just don’t connect, because your powerful arm could knock their head right off.
DRO is a very simple abbreviation and nickname for marijuana that is derived from the word hydroponics. Thus, it’s a reference to high end stuff and not the crappy shwag that your brother used to sell you when he was in college and thought it was hilarious to rip you and your stupid friends off. NOT COOL, DARREN!
This intimate term refers to the male’s climax during sex, but I can’t really top the actual Workaholics definition of this word: “The term itself covers the action only, and not the physical result; sort of like how a bazooka says nothing of the missile. One may not be possible without the other, but they don’t have to be mutually exclusive.” Very well put.
Have you ever been so scared that you’ve developed an erection? That’s called a Fearection. If you haven’t experienced one, then maybe you’ve never really lived.
If you’re like me, you’ve allowed years of slang and mangled English to trick you into thinking that gnarly is a positive term that refers to something cool or awesome. Not true, bros. And the same goes for Gnar, which is a similar word, but is much more negative. You do not want to be having a Gnar day, and if someone you know is experiencing something Gnar, you either need to bring the positive vibes or get the f*ck out of Dodge.
Let me guess, you think Hump Day means Wednesday. Nice try, you Geico commercial-loving simpleton. Hump Day isn’t a specific day of the week, month or even a year. Instead, it’s a goal for guys and gals alike to find some romance and get it on. The world might be a much happier place if we made every day Hump Day.
It’s Half Christmas!
Just like that “half-birthday” you celebrated as a child (or still celebrate if you’re a girl in college looking for free drinks), Half-Christmas is the blessed holiday that falls exactly 6 months away from “Full Christmas” on June 25th. Sure, your “Boss Lady” might try to tell you that Half Christmas isn’t a real holiday, but that just means it’s up to you to help spread the message of such a joyous day.
A Juggaho is just a punk bitch pretending to be a Juggalo. Pretenders and posers, juggahos are fake and should be shamed, and the term can easily carry over to reflect other fake people in life, like Juggaho politicians, Juggaho pop music stars and Juggaho girls that you meet on the Internet who end up being adult men.
Karl AKA the Human Genius
Karl may not seem like the smartest guy in the world, but the guys call him the Human Genius for a reason. Every group has its Karl, and it doesn’t take book smarts to earn the Human Genius title. Maybe one of your friends figured out how to score free pizza by bringing a garbage bag in a backpack to a CiCi’s. That’s your Karl, because he’s the reason you’re eating D-grade pizza for the next week.
You’re the boss. You’re in charge. You look at every human being in front of you and you know without a second glance that they’re beneath you. You don’t go to the strip club, the strip club comes to you. You’re Lording.
I want more like this!
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