If there’s one thing we all know by now about Gwyneth Paltrow, it’s that there’s nothing she can’t do. Yes, the lady listed in the top 10 of every “women I’d love to hate-f*ck” list made in the last few years can — in addition to delivering Oscar-worthy thespianic performances — rap, belt out country tunes, cook a duck, write books, publish internet newsletters, and tell you when you’re fat.
Did I miss anything?
Of course, being so multi-talented and busy is exhausting, as Gwyneth once noted when she said, “Some days I feel like everyone in my world has plugged themselves into my kidneys. I’m so tired.” It’s hard being Gwyneth, y’all! But a lady like her can’t sit still — SHE JUST CAN’T — and obviously a new challenge that will inevitably present itself to her. Perhaps sooner rather than later.
HAHA — see, the lead singer of Coldplay is her husband. Get it? GET IT?!
Obviously, God is calling on Gwyneth to make a foray into comedy. Obviously. Meanwhile, who do I have to bang to get Robyn to cover every Coldplay song from now on?
This tweet also raises some bigger issues, frankly. Is this a cleverly disguised cry from Gwyneth to get her husband to sex her? Why won’t Chris Martin bang his wife? I imagine Gwyneth trying to get Chris Martin to have sex with her goes something like this…
Dude is probably sick of her, just like everyone on the internet is, right? But she’s at least gotta be good for some solid hate-f*cking, right? She has to be.