Oh, bless your nostalgic hearts: That 10 year old inside of you will never allow you to recognize it, but the theme song to "Family Ties" and "Boy Meets World" was crap. Pure crap. Maybe you're old enough to understand objectively that the "Friends" theme song was not very good, but it doesn't even compare to how awful say, the theme to "Small Wonder" was. Sure, you brain will allow you to recognize how awful Ace of Base and Air Supply were, but the firing neurons just won't make the logical leap it's supposed to make when you hear the "Perfect Strangers" or "Family Matters" theme song. There's too much of your childhood tied up into those shows; too many glowing memories to allow your brain to recognize how hideous the soaring synthesizers were, or the ridiculousness of the commercially-processed funk was. ALAN THICKE IS NOT YOUR FRIEND!
That was some seriously awful music, but you can't hear it. Because, as Don Draper astutely noted in a presentation once, nostalgia is the most powerful drug of all. It's so blinding that when you heard they were remaking Short Circuit and rued the raping of your childhood, you weren't even able to recognize that it was, in fact, the original Short Circuit that raped your childhood with cheese, stupidity, and a cheap talking robot with emotions.
It's time to recognize. Some of this list is going to make you angry. Maybe very angry. You're probably going to want to call me names. That's just your nostalgia talking. You're not thinking right. But it's time to rip off the band aid and peer into the oozing sore your nostalgia has drilled into your hippocampus. The first step is admitting that these songs are awful, gloriously awful, and then -- and only then -- can we begin the healing process.
But don't worry -- in your brain, Candace Cameron and Topanga will always be hot.
Gimme a Break
Facts of Life
Diff'rent Strokes
Silver Spoons
Family Ties
Growing Pains
Laverne and Shirley
Sabrina the Teenage Witch
Charles in Charge
Gilligan's Island
The Brady Bunch
Family Matters
Full House
The Cosby Show
Boy Meets World
Miami Vice
Who's the Boss
Perfect Strangers
Small Wonder
Hogan's Family
CHiPs
Saved by the Bell
Night Court
The Love Boat
Fantasy Island
Falcon Crest
One Day at a Time
The Partridge Family
Fat Albert
Mork & Mindy
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NOOOOO…Not “Falcon Crest!” Have you no soul, Rowles?!
Uhhh…why does “Family Matters” have the “Full House” theme?
Gilligan’s Island is a great theme song. Gives you all the exposition you need, and it’s in ballad meter!
The first 4 shows, Gimme A Break, Fact Of Life, Different Strokes and Silver Spoons all feature domestic help of some sort. Just say’n its an 80′s thing.
I did not then, nor now, see anything wrong with Night Court theme.
Thanks for the trip down memory lane! Now my nostalgia meter is maxed out and i’m in a great mood. Whatever purpose you were going for with this article was trumped by the fact that this made me realize just how great these themes are compared to today’s non-themes. Thank you again!
This list is missing the 90210 theme.
The Cosby Show? THE COSBY SHOW!!! how dare you, sir! you could have at least chosen the Hawaiian themed opening where Vanessa had that god-awful haircut.
No Macguyver? for shame…
Start to finish
there ain’t a goddamn thing wrong
with the ‘Fat Albert’ theme.
I didn’t watch the show
hell
I don’t even like it all that much
in fact
I kinda don’t
but that theme song man
I don’t know
and hey
Cosby was a good lookin’ cat back when.
Anything that involved Phylicia Ayers-Allen before she got Rashād’d can’t be bad. I would get that woman pregnant in a heartbeat.
1. You’re damn right that DJ and Topanga will always be hot. Because they are.
2. Jimmy Fallon would like to have a word with you about the Charles in Charge theme song.
night court wasnt half bad. decent music and montage up top and got in and out with the intros.
screw you Rowles..u were molested as a child
Nostalgia doesn’t make me brush off cheesy songs. Rocky 4 is my favorite movie ever. Mostly for the soundtrack. However, I’d be the first to tell you how awfully cheesy and dated the music is. But I don’t care cuz I enjoy it. As for this list, 2 of my favorite 80′s tv show themes weren’t on the list. Night Rider and Airwolf. Probably because they were (thankfully) instrumentals.
Your face is the worst TV Opening theme song Dustin
The worst!!
How can you include the theme to The Love Boat? Sure, the show itself sucked ass, but that song makes me pick up a fake mic and pretend I’m a cheesy lounge singer every time, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Also: Isaac.
I refuse to accept that the “The Facts of Life” and “Diff’rent Strokes” themes are not objectively awesome. Also, “Night Court”? Why not take shots at the awesome “Barney Miller” theme while you’re at it?
Only one on that list I ever found briefly palateable is the Miami Vice theme, and now it’s so dated it does nothing. Not even when the percussion syncs up to the girl with the big cans.
I never understood the first verse of Saved by The Bell…he’s late and misses the bus but it’s OK because he is saved by the bell?
The Hogan Family, not Hogan’s Family
Any of the instrumentals (CHiPs, really?) can be replaced with this:
[www.youtube.com]
Miami Vice? Chips? Night Court? You’re terrible.
WTF??? Fat Albert?? You’re kidding me, right? Were you born in 1998 or something?
Miami Vice and Night Court do NOT belong on this list.
No Greatest American Hero? Blasphemy! And now it’s stuck in your head, isn’t it?
How did only one other person catch the Family Matters mix up with Full House?
Laverne and Shirley, Miami Vice themes….man are you daft? The Night Court theme rocks….and you suck!!!
Fully 65 per cent of these kicked ass. You are a faggot.
The Full House, Family Matters (which was mixed up with the full house theme in this slideshow), & Boy Meets World themes were NOT crap. I don’t know what you’re listening too, but they were cute and made you feel good.
Wow Sabrina the Teenage Witch Intros just gave me brain damage. Ouch it hurts.
this is family matters [www.youtube.com]
most of the songs werent bad – they were just outdated. music has changed alot since those shows were on. give them a break. try giveing us the top worst theme songs now.
No Fresh Prince of Bel Air???
Gimme A Break’s theme song sounded silly and dopey the first season. But when Nell Carter put some soul in the song in the second season, that’s when I liked it more and sang along to it. Didn’t like Gimme A Break’s Casio keyboard/synthesizer music from 1984 to 1987. Saved By The Bell I didn’t like. But I did not like The Facts of Life’s theme music in the show’s last 2 seasons from 1986-1988–it sounded cheesy with the synthesizers and keyboards, overproduced like crazy. Typical of the ’80s dance music that decade. I liked their more simple music that they used the first 4 or 5 seasons. It sounded like a Paula Abdul song way before her Forever Your Girl album was released in 1988.
I always hated the theme to “Friends”.
The Brady Bunch is still a fun theme song. They changed the theme song the first 3 years of the show as the kids grew older on the show. I liked the third season better–very fun and upbeat. It’s still an iconic theme song to this days and I never saw it as the worst.
I thought the CHiPs song had that disco groove buried to the ground on it. Sometimes fun and sometimes awful in the times that I heard it. You would think that Giorgio Moroder did the song that Donna Summer turned down because his disco influence is all over that theme song, even as Ponch and Jon (Erik Estrada and Larry Wilcox) were racing down the California freeways in the opening scenes of the show. They went for it after season 2 or 3 in 1978 or 1979 and stayed with it for the duration of the series through 1983.
I don’t know why Miami Vice was on that list. Perhaps the quintessential instrumental song that defined the ’80s. It is still a recogniazable song. And it went No. 1 on the Billboard Hot 100 in 1985, given its recognizable sound from the TV show. Its rumbling keyboards and rock guitars in all its 2 minutes is still solid pop.
And I loved the Night Court theme song–it was so jazzy for a theme song in the ’80s. Even with the tick-tick parts of the song.
I can’t watch half of these without thinking of The Simpsons/Family Guy parodies. Probably because I was born in 1993 and Homer Simpson singing “Charles in Charge” was the first time I’d heard the theme.
The second and third Sabrina the Teenage Witch ones are so horrible they’re actually embarrassing. And I grew up with that show.
I love the first one though.
Saved by the Bell and Fat Albert are awesome.
The theme to Family Matters in at least its first season was Louis Armstrong’s ‘What a Wonderful World.’ I don’t know why they changed it.
Hey none of the theme song is worst you should try to do some research on show that didn’t last long like butt ugly martian
The worst is the theme for Star Trek: Enterprise. It was a sappy power ballad that sucked on its own merits, but even worse it was just totally inappropriate for the show.
totally read my mind
i searched “worst intro music” just for this.
With all due respect … what’s your point? Other than a nice trip down memory lane as I scrolled through a short sampling of your slideshow … i wondered why someone has a need to go back two, three and four decades to inform us that the music was crap. So what? The shows were crap too, but we enjoyed the mindless, rarely profound stories and characters in the wind down evening time. Now we have non-realistic reality tv that brings us angry wives, angry kids from jersey, and little girls dressed up like hookers. I guess I just wasn’t paying much attention to the music.
Really? Brady Bunch, Patridge Family, Laverne and Shirley, Love Boat, the worst? What idiot put this together?
My favorite theme song of all is the theme to ‘King Of The Hill”! I Love it !
Agree “Fresh Prince” a stinker. Now how can one not support the “my Mother the Car” theme as among the worst? i guess ’cause the show only lasted about 15 mins. and no one remembers.
who the hell edits this stuff? the fact that the “full house” theme song was attached to the “family matters” clip shows is retarded. fail
Who ever said anything bad about these theme songs is crazy.
This list is bogus all of these theme songs are GREAT
I’d just love to see your list of the BEST theme songs…I’ll totally give you Small Wonder & Saved by the Bell. But CHiPs? The Partridge Family? Night Court? Falcon Crest? Fat Albert for christsakes?…I question your authoritah.
This list is dead wrong! You are out of your f*cking mind! The Family Ties theme is AWESOME….dumbass!
Mr. Rowles. I understand where you are coming from with the music and I fully Agree the themes were awful that sometimes that makes it that much better. I simply wanted to comment on you using the word Rape. I know you want to get your point across. But as a victim or rape I hope you could look for another way to get your point across without the use of words like this.
that’s the worst list I’ve ever read, I love practically the whole list, you did an awful job on this list!
Some of these are the best theme songs of their time. Diff’rent Strokes, Gilligan’s Island, Brady Bunch, Cosby Show, Miami Vice, Chips, and Night Court all defined the genre for that their respective years. You are WAAAAAY off base here.
Okay, so maybe the theme songs on some of these shows WAS crap, but you know what? I didn’t watch these shows because of the theme song. I watched these shows because they told a story and had a solid premise behind them. Well, most of them any way. Other’s I watched simply because they were funny. Also, I notice that all of the shows you picked were pretty much family sitcoms, I notice that you didn’t pick anything sci-fi, adventure, or medical, like Babylon 5, Lost, and House.
“Miami Vice” shouldn’t be on this list. “Facts of Life” might be the absolute worst. Just about anything Alan Thicke wrote should be listed here. Not only were the themes terrible, but most of these shows never should have saw the light of the day.
Justin, you’re nuts. Whoever said TV themes were supposed to be Grammy winners? I think most of there were appropriate for the show they represented. How about a list of the themes you LIKED?
Gee, I liked some of these theme songs. Now a bad TV show theme song that should’ve made the list is the theme song from ALICE. Just listening to Linda Lavin sing that annoying song was an embarrassment. YUK to the max!
Here is the real theme to Family Matters. If you at least checked you would have gotten it right Mr. Writer LOL!!
[youtu.be]
DUDE YOU MUST BE OFF YOU ROCKER IF YOU THINK MOST OF THESE THEME SONGS WERE BAD. ..HOW OLD ARE YOU? YOU MUST BE UNDER 25! JUST TO BE FAIR THOUGH I WOULD REALLY LIKE TO SEE WHAT TV SHOW THEME’S YOU THINK WERE THE BEST…THAT WOULD BE INTERESTING!!!
@ RED SAM…LEAVE ‘ALICE’ ALONE!!!!
He went and ocik all the best themes and said they suck. The only one I didnt like was Sabrina the Teenage Witch. and Also, the ones with an instrumental dont count because they are not songs. Anyway I agree with most people here it brought back great and cheesy memories.
you sir are an idiot lets hear a list of theme songs you actually like. and since when do family matters and fullhouse have the same theme song……piss poor planning on your part obviously you didnt even proof read or in this case listen to your own list
How dare you call these the worst? These are classics. Loved ‘em and loved the trip down memory lane. I would have also thrown in the theme to the Jeffersons. Who doesn’t remember (and love) them “movin’ on up to the top in a de-lux apartment in the sky?”
um…. That’s fine it’s your opinion but…. why write an article like this on an entertainment page if that’s how you feel go rant on a message board somewhere about it. This is not a real entertainment article it is just someone’s opinion and rantings. You need to take some article writing classes. Your lucky this is only online and you aren’t writing for a real newspaper or magazine because you would get fired or taken to court for some of those comments. Really bad article sorry I have to say.
Perfect Strangers? Growing up in Chicago and now not living there, that theme song brings up only great memories.
Dear writer of this crap….how old are you?? These are classic shows with classic theme songs! This was REAL TV when they were shows with actual writers. Not all the reality SH** that’s on now. The majority of these shows lasted years, where most of the crap now that NOT reality TV don’t last past a season. They might be cheesy shows, but I would watch re-runs of these before most of the crap on now. And I think someone else pointed out that shows on now, most don’t even have a theme song.
I actually saw this and thought you were full of crap because you decided to put the Saved by the Bell as your picture header, but when i heard some of them…. you were right! Clap clap
Please give access to the full list on one page ! It really is a pain in the butt to have to click 30 times to see all the pages, which I won’t do for that reason.
This guy either has no soul, or is an asshole, or lives in his parent’s basement with no contact with the outside world
Your list of worst theme songs should have none of the shows you listed (some incorrectly titled) and replaced with shit reality show theme songs and Jersey Shore. This article sucked. You need to quit writing if this is the best you can produce.
You have to be under 30. I’ll grant you the “Family Ties” theme was pretty awful, and I loved the show. Same with Silver Spoons, Gimme a Break, and Charles in Charge – shows I did NOT love. But Fat Albert, The Partridge Family, The Brady Bunch, Miami Vice, etc. ?! Those are classics! Cheesy maybe, but the worst?! I don’t think so!
My choice for absolute theme song ever? The theme song for Secret Life of the American Teenager. I mean really? Who came up with that lame song?
Please please please please please please BOYCOTT the Wonder Woman forum on Comic Book Resources.
Its main moderator AEGISBEARER and his cohort TANGENTMAN have both been arrested on two charges of sexual assault agains minors that AEGISBEARER teaches.
If you go to the family photos thread on the WW forum youlll see what this worthless scum actually looks like.
So far CBR have refused to either fire or suspend these two creatures.
Please spread the word and boycott this forum!
Aw, come on. Nowadays you think those songs are terrible, but if you would have been a child of the 80ties then you would loved these theme songs since they helped you escape a little bit from reality.
I was going to list the themes here that aren’t the “worst,” but there are too many. Who assembled this? Particularly “Laverne & Shirley” and “Night Court.” Classics.
BOGUS!
How do you have Miami Vice and the Cosby Show rate on this list, when there are TOTALLY WORSE theme songs are out there? The theme song to “Maude” for one thing? And how does “Night Court” make the list when “Barney Miller”, which sounds almost the same, didn’t make it?
And don’t get me started on that wimpy, limp-noodle theme song from the first season of “Enterprise”…
BOGUS!!
Gilligan’s Island? Are you nuts?????
Somebody screwed this up big time-these are some of the best theme songs not the worst. Taxi and Soap where two the worst I did’nt even watch these shows for their first time runs because the opening song was so bad. Good thing for reruns.
that is a great one
Dang dude, that’s like EVERY Television sitcom theme sing EVER! What DO you consider a good theme song? Shows to day barely even have theme songs, just a little blip and some credits running so fast you’ll never read them.
This person is crazy, some of these theme’s are classics. Perfect Strangers, Different Strokes, Who’s the Boss, Charles in Charge, Brady Bunch, et care all awesome
All the theme songs are great. Does the person who rated this actually know what a theme song is?
How OLD are you,anyway? If you’re under 30, go away and play with your legos and GI Joes…if not, please remember that electronic technology (or lack thereof) does not = composition. Today’s TV themes boast no more substance–just spiffier sounds to work with. BTW…ever tried to compose a piece for a client who doesn’t care a whit about music, only advertising revenue? rotsa ruck.
I find it very telling how a list for “ALL TIME” TV themes is the ’80s and ’90s with GILLIGAN and LAVERNE & SHIRLEY thrown in. There were no awful themes in the ’50s? The ’60s were all gems? Please. This list is nothing more than what Rowles likes and he obviously has the taste of Elmer’s glue.
Gilligan’s Island one of the worst themes of all time? I’ve always considered it one of the best of all time. There are so many people (including myself) who can sing it from beginning to end without missing a word. And we even know that, after season one, “and the rest” was replaced with “the Professor and Mary Ann” !
I’m sorry, but putting The Love Boat Theme in the top worst songs disregards the fact it actually was a Top 10 hit song by Jack Jones, which the full true disco version is not available in MP3 format (i.e amazon). In my opinion, a good theme song is one that one can recognize and associate with the TV Show in question and has a good hook in terms melody. This song does that. You might not like the song, but it certainly isn’t a worst song of all time.
You must have grown up under a rock! These were classic shows with classic theme songs. You sing or hum any of them people will recognize these tv shows. I think you missed out on the worst list. Maybe 1 or 2 of these could be on a worst list but not the whole list. Sorry. you’re wrong!
Sabrina the Teenage Witch?!? NO! Well, maybe the second generation but not the third and first! And I love the Full House theme! I think Falcon Crest is fine. But none of my real favorite themes are here so ya!
There are lots of great memories in those theme songs for me. I don’t care if they are on someone’s “worst” list. I enjoy them a great deal. Perfect Strangers, The Love Boat…those shows were fun for me to watch.
@Cheryl you are so right. Now a days we have to settle for reality TV and then if the show isn’t on cable we get hooked on a show and its cancelled before it can find an audience. LAME.
You are wrong about “Partridge Family,” “Love Boat,” “Gilligan’s Island” and “Brady Bunch.” Those are classics.
Yeah, this is pretty much the WORST “Worst _____” list of all time. Most of these themes are either catchy or CLASSIC.
I can’t believe “Three’s Company” isn’t on this list. I’m a musician/singer, and this theme song gets under my skin. If I’m watching “Raymond” on TVLand and then I hear this theme song, I change the channel immediately! John Ritter (RIP) was great, but not this theme song and not so much the show.
IMHO…
I was born in 1980 and grew up with a lot of these great shows and songs. Why are you slamming the songs just because they are not with the times now? They are all quite a bit better than the theme songs/or lack there of from recent shows… Who wrote this list, someone who grew up in the past 15 years who hasn’t had a decent cartoon to watch or decent singing influence in their lives?
I could totally understand having the Boy Meets World theme song from the first season because that definitely wasn’t the best in my opinion. So switch that out with the one you’ve got.
the songs fit the shows…cheesy worked for them…you knew what the show was going to be just by hearing the song!
I think the real question is, what tv show theme song did you consider good?
Three’s company beyond a doubt had the worst theme song ever.
um Family Matters and Full house have same theam what
I thought the worst 1 was diffrent strokes it plays to much on the shows name
I can’t believe you don’t have the Wonder Woman theme song on here. It is gosh awful.
I think some of these choices are you just trying to seem “cool”.
Who allowed you to post this an write this list! I’m sorry but me as classic TV Guru think this list was totally bogus! You just went onto You Tube found theme songs and put them on a list. Most of these shows theme songs are so classic that everyone knows how to sing the whole theme songs in full! I will never read another one of your articles this was a very wack list, nest time do some research and choose some shows that really need to be added to this list! I wish people would visit my site where I have talked about classic shows and theme songs! Newho nice try guy!
Sorry for all the typos folks I was really upset at this list, I know I shouldn’t take this stuff so seriously but when people post this stuff and it shows up on Aol I think its like a waste of space for what could have been a totally legit article where someone actually took time and effort to put something together. I wish someone would give me a break so I could write a great article that could be true and shows that I did my research! Half of these themes come from the eighties…..Wait I’m GOING IN AGAIN! Good day all! http://www.youtube.com/kingdavid24
Who’s The Boss theme seemed meaningful to me. Like it was written for the New Age/touchy-feely crowd. The cheesy ones to me always seemed to be the ones that tacked on the title of the show.
I was all right with this until I got to 11 and 12 – Gilligan’s Island and The Brady Bunch. Are you kidding?!?! Those are some of the classic theme songs in HISTORY!!!! You know nothing about TV at all. I know Facts of Life, Different Strokes, and even Charles in Charge are “classic” but they are corny so being on this list is justified, but seriously, Gilligan’s Island and The Brady Bunch? You are nuts.
Miami Vice theme song rocks, should NOT be on this list.
I think the person who put this list together was probably born around 1994.
You lost me by:
First using SBTB as a picture for the article.
Second, not even really explaining why any of these were bad
And third, the list itself.
The only thing I can think of as far as your criteria is concerned is that the theme has to be from the 70′s/80′s and it has to be memorable/iconic. Or maybe this was a lame attempt in trying to use the word “nostalgia” in some kind of hip, cynical way?
YOU’VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!! I’m not saying that all of these songs are the GREATEST songs ever written but at least they were written for the shows they represent!!! I’m so disappointed anymore w/what I hear on TV as theme music for not just TV shows, but commercials, too!! Has anyone noticed that TODAY’S THEMES SONGS AND COMMERCIAL MUSIC ARE NOTHING BUT RECYCLED HITS OFF OF THE MUSIC CHARTS?! And they don’t even have the decency to try and remix them. They just use the original cut!!! At least they used creativity back in the old days when it came to music for TV. I even remember when a song was used for TV would become a #1 hit on the charts – not the other way around!! If those songs were BAD then I long for the bad old days!!!
This list is just wrong. You just don’t appreciate the music during those time… I wasn’t born yet on most shows here but they don’t suck at all! For most of them that is…
That last Sabrina the Teenage Witch clip was terrible and hilarious. She looked about as graceful as a drunk a$$ ballerina, struggling through the choreography. This list is as bad as that clip. The catchy, cheese factor was what made many of these songs dearly classic and iconic. Whoever put this together has no clue what “TV Land” meant to all of us who went through puberty, puppy love, read Tiger Beat, and everything else while sitting down in front of the TV watching these shows.
No way should Miami Vice be on here. That theme is still badass even in 2011. One of the greatest TV themes ever. Wasn’t it like a #1 hit on the charts? The rest – I agree. Although there is some cult-ish “so bad its good” charm to themes like Charles In Charge and The Facts of Life.
The CHips theme is fantastic. The horn section alone makes it worthwhile.
I was right on board with you until “Laverne and Shirley”…how could you??
Your insane. Those themes are classic. I would hate to see the ones that you like.
The Night Court theme was, is, and will always be EPIC! Have you no shame?