I was ready to call it a day but then this horrifying letter a bride-to-be sent to her potential bridesmaids and just had to post it. It’s a solid reminder of why I hate big, “traditional” weddings, not to mention people who love big, “traditional” weddings. The wedding industrial complex and the horrible human beings it has spawned must be stopped!
ANYWAY, the letter. I’ve bolded the more revolting parts.
To m lovely Bridesmaid: [Names removed to protect the brideslaves]
As you all know I picked 10 wonderful ladies to stand by my side, share and make happen my special day to Jake. Each of you individually have a reason and a special place in my heart of why I picked you to be a bridesmaid. We have set our date for Saturday, August 31, 2013 in Vail, Colorado. That seems far away but it really isn’t, the earlier the planning the better. You may have already knew that my wonderful sister L— will be the Maid of Honor, she’s in charge under me. Also my lovely mom will be a big help as well. L— has a big role in throwing me a bridal shower and bachelorette party, of course all of you guys do but at the end of the day shes the go to person and makes it happen+Doe.
You all have a big roll in this wedding, so before we continue I’m going to be setting some ground rules and its very important you read and think about everything through before you accept this honor to be a bridesmaid. If you guys email anything I would also like you to put L— in the CC. Not all the bridesmaid need to be CC’d unless its coming from me or L—, if it something everyone needs to see then well do it. We set the date to August 31, 2013 if that’s a problem we need to know NOW. Also by the end of the week we will be setting dates for the engagement party, bridal show and bachelorette party.
Our wedding party is really the most important people at the wedding besides my self and Jake so we want every single one of our bridesmaid and grooms at our parties, I have 10 not 8 where two couldn’t make it so if you already know you cant make one of the parties then we have to find someone else, not to be harsh in the slightest it would sadden me and of course you’ll still be invited to our wedding, engagement ect. But it’s different if your not in the wedding party and couldn’t make it. We’ll give everyone well advance dates for the parties and it will always fall on a weekend. The wedding as I stated will be in Vail the engagement party will either be in NY or CT and the bachelorette party will be in Vegas, cliche yeaa but I’ve never been.
A few girls live out of town so if there is going to be a problem with coming to either one then I need to know now because after this week I don’t want to be surprised. I would like everyone to send me any dates they are going away or planning to go away after February so if your going away in January I don’t care. I want any dates from February to the day of our wedding in August, that way we know not to plan something when your away. But after this week the dates are set in stone. Also if money is tight and you cant afford to contribute to say the bachelorette party or wont be able to afford a dress etc then L— and Myself don’t have time to deal with that, I’m sorry. This includes flights as well, everyone knows the states where the parties are going to be held so if you wont be able to afford a flight then that means you cant make a party which ultimately means I cant have you as a bridesmaid. Obviously we’ll get the best deals and were not gonna books flights for $1000 and shit that’s why were doing this in advance, that goes for bridesmaids dresses as well everything will be affordable but if you think by affordable its going to be a $25 forever 21 dress then your going to the wrong wedding.
If your out of state though don’t think you have to fly in for all fittings, that we will work with you, find stores in your town, get measurements..you don’t have to worry about that. Also if you accept this honor another thing is that you need to be available, I’m not going to harass you with wedding stuff every hour of everyday but if its something important and it takes you a week even 2-3 days to get back to me seeeee ya! I don’t have time to wait around for responses, everyone has their phone on them, it shouldn’t take you more than a day to get back to me, even if your out of the country, check your email!
Furthermore, Ever since I could remember I have dreamed about this day all my life. I want to share it with the people that are most important to me. You only get one time to plan your dream wedding and I couldn’t pick a more amazing group of girls to make that dream come true! So please, what’s stated above think about it all and by Wednesday I need to know if everyone is 100% in, and what I have asked about sending me dates if your gonna be away between Feb-Aug ill need that on Wednesday. If you don’t think you’ll be able to attend one party but can make the rest of them I’m sorry but I’ll have to take you out as a bridesmaid and put you as a guest. If you want to get back to me before Wednesday, that’s fine. Really think about everything I’ve said. This is really going to be the most epic wedding ever so I hope you girls can share this special day with us!
Love,
Fellas, if you know some poor named Jake who’s about to get married you may want to confront him and have him consider aborting this whole thing now, because this dude is destined for a life of misery. But then again, whoever was stupid enough to propose to this chick is probably a douchebag who deserves what he gets.
(Via Gawker)
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Jake is fucked. Repeat. FU-CK-ED
Make a schedule. To see every divorce lawyer in town first, thereby poisoning the well.
She’ll probably schedule out her divorce just as badly. Her lawyer will need to inform her of al trips and times away between January 17, 2014 and the third Sunday of October in 2017. Otherwise, he can come to the divorce and all, but he won’t be addressed or as important toe the separation of her shitty marriage.
your just bein mean she seems like shes real smart and your jealous that you cant get a real woman like her your just upset so seeeeee ya!
She forgot to include the safety word.
Shit like this just makes me appreciate my cool, chill, hot, fun, earning, football loving, video-game playing Khaleesi, that much more.
This.
I don’t know how/why dudes put up with girls like the one who wrote this letter. Hotness is no excuse, my wife is crazy hot but is, as yours is, fun, chill, football loving, etc.
Seconded. I’m so grateful that my wife gave little more than 1/2 a shit about our wedding.
I kind of think that “Jake” may be getting what he deserves. I’m sure this letter is only a reflection of what people already know about this charming bride-to-be. Why should the people that voluntarily orbit her be any less shallow and self-centered than her?
BobJ, I think you’re onto something here. Out of all the girls at LA Fitness, Jake chose her.
Anyone else ever notice that the bridesmaids are lined up in escalating hotness? Yes, I prefer Kristen Wiig over Ellie Kemper, but only barely.
I… Agree.
Jesus Christ! “roll”???? It’s “ROLE” you fucking idiot!!!!!!!!! Jake, run away now!
I cannot fucking stand when people confuse those. Morons.
That letter is a cornucopia of grammar mistakes
She even got it right the first time, THEN screwed it up. Come on, man.
maybe she’s from Alabama. Those fuckers can work “ROLL” into any sentence.
I give Jake a week of wedded bliss before he roles his TransAm over her.
First reaction: She has zero control over her grammar. Second reaction: What a megacunt!
Megacunt is usually the first WR taken off the board in the Fantasy Wife draft.
Does this woman have something against the word “you’re”?
How on earth is a spoiled-ass 15 year-old getting married? Because that’s what her writing suggests that she is.
*shakes head in disbelief*
I bet she is absolutely terrible in bed.
but wait, all the magazines say that telling your man what you want in bed is a turn on. :confused:
I personally love a little direction….
I don’t love being shut down altogether or hit for straying outside the very well defined lines.
$20.00 says Jake is CCing one of the bridesmaids already.
hey yo!
This can’t be real. There’s no way someone this self-involved is engaged, let alone has 10 friends.
Oh I highly doubt they’re friends. Co-workers, employees of her daddy’s company that she’s met a few times, etc.
Sorority sisters. From Rutgers.
The only way to respond to an email like that is with the ‘block’ button. Honestly though, the best part of reading this is knowing that without a doubt, she will have a shitty time at her wedding, lose at least a few of these “friends”, and definitely have 9 meltdowns. It’s not karma, it’s just living in the world you make.
Locations occurring in: NY, CT, Las Vegas and Vail. I guaran-fucking-tee the guy works in finance and both grew up with money (nepotistic money, not hard earned). This oozes with the stench of a banker’s girlfriend.
Yeah, as soon as I read those locations I knew they were obviously both from money and both are probably completely out of touch with reality.
She’s likely the kind of broad who has never worked, so her fulltime “job” is to plan her wedding events. After the wedding is over she’ll likely spend her days planning “charity” events while some poor immigrant women raises her next generation of entitled assholes
Wrong!
Software sales.
She misused “your” instead of “you’re” so many times I stopped counting. As many people have pointed out, this is probably the girlfriend of a rich guy/from a wealthy family. If that really is the case, I wish she could afford some good grammar.
If I got something like this, what I would do (while trying to get as many of my fellow bridesmaids as possible on board to do the same thing) is reply with excited, gushing e-mails saying that I was totally 100% in, and then do absolutely nothing to contribute to this train wreck. As time went on and I missed fittings, plane flights, etc., I would make up increasingly bizarre excuses (my dog had clinical depression and I was afraid to leave him alone, the nail salon couldn’t get my tips just right and after I had them redo them six times it was just too late to make it, I was kidnapped by aliens, etc.) all the while bombarding her with e-mails about how excited I am to have this”honor” that she has bestowed on me. When she finally caught on and the game was up. I would send her an e-mail (copied to everyone of course) totally admittimg I was f*cking with her and asking her how she could have realistically beleived that anyone whe wasn’t a shallow, self-involved, materialistic c*nt like herself could have treated this mess as anything but a ridiculous and tragic joke….
Best. Answer. Ever.
I’m pretty sure 95% of brides have wanted to send something like this email. Very few do, but I bet they’ve wanted to.
Also, I feel bad for “L” who will forevermore be a bitch by proxy
I knew someone like this girl. She spent $30,000 on her wedding dress alone and was married for 3 months before leaving her husband for another man.
I got married in Vegas…spent $600 bucks and have been married for 12 years. The ceremony does NOT make the marriage.
My most excellent wife planned and executed our wedding in less than a month, from 1,500 miles away from the site where we wed, pre-internet. The whole 100-guest shebang, dress included, ran less than $15K, and that includes having to feed steaks to the entire Romney clan and buy enough Bombay Sapphire for the entire Biden clan.
We just celebrated 14 years of happiness, because she understood that not being a pain in the ass was a good way to start a marriage. Plus, she tolerates me, which is an underrated trait to look for in a wife.
100 guest shebang? I hope you got to go first at least?
Dammit, I knew I should have used “shindig” but nooooo
This is what happens when a generation of young women have been watching “Real Housewives of ” and “Don’t be Tardy for the Wedding” for the last 5 years.
Jake, run! GO! GET TO THE CHOPPA! Seriously don’t even ask for the ring back, consider it the cost of making a mistake.
Another symptom of the times we live. Sad, indeed.
Alright, who’s with me on crashing this wedding next Aug. 13 in Vail? Road trip!!!
So does this mean the person who leaked the letter won’t be in the bridal party? Can they still come to the wedding? Gosh, I sure hope the brides responds publicly with another letter! Now THAT would be epic!
That was painful to read. I hope she’s good looking cause she’s not the brightest crayon in the box. Jake should run off with one of the poor bridesmaids.
I want to write “YOU’RE” on my hand and slap her a million times.
I heart you so much right now.
your just jelis
Hahaha YES. Perfect!
At the very last minute I would send a drunk hobo in my place.
A big roll? Sorry, I can’t make it then. I’m trying to watch my carbs.
So, I’m betting Jake is either a complete doormat (possibly a rich one), or a big douche who cheats on this seaward on a weekly basis. Marriage won’t last long, if it happens at all.
I’m just horrified by all the bad grammar. If you’re going to be some damn bossy, at least learn the difference between “your” and “you’re”. And for heaven’s sake – “roll” and “role”? Come on, people!
Bitch, that’s just how she roles.
That whole goddamn wedding needs to be firebombed, Dresden style. I don’t want to hear about innocent bystanders; if they are attending this bitch’s wedding, they’ve earned their fate.
This has gotta be fake. You can’t be that much of a self-entitled t-bag and not know how to spell. If she’s that insane, she probably has many well thought out and grammatically correct emails waiting to be sent. This just seems really sloppy for someone who needs to be in control.
If this is real, you really gotta wonder about the guy willing to marry her. Gotta figure he’s got a couple of mistresses.
Just wait: the bride will see one of the many articles written about this issue, and her response won’t be to ease up on the demands or apologize for being such an entitled b*tch. No, her response will be to make all the bridesmaids sign nondisclosure agreements. Things are about to get a lot, LOT worse for the poor brideslaves.
They do have the option to walk away. Hell, they can probably get her to “fire” them pretty easily.
Can anyone “out” this bride? She does not deserve “Jake” or even “one” bridesmaid. We know the date, we know the groom, we know the city, we don’t know her name. She should be ashamed not for being a Bridezilla but for being what this society shouldn’t be, a rude, inconsiderate human being. This has nothing to do with being a bride, but with being, kind, generous, considerate and polite. That is what counts in our lifetimes! So perhaps, someone should let her know this, and maybe her family will be embarassed enough to realize that they have raised what is wrong with this world!!!!
What a tremendous thundercunt!
I really didn’t find it that bad actually. She wants what she wants. *shrug* Her delivery could have been slightly better, but overall, it wasn’t mean. People are waaaay too sensitive. And if her friends take offense, they must not really know her lol! And the author who posted this, has made a couple of mistakes too! Just wanted to point that out!