Either the Sufjan Stevens Fan Club has been tweeting up a storm the last two days (motto: "Where the only thing we strum as hard as our banjos is sincerity"), or, get this, Twitter has been inundated with people who had the "WORST CHRISTMAS EVA." Haha, don't worry, their parents or dog didn't die, and they didn't lose their house when it exploded from too much merriment; their holiday was LITERALLY the worst ever because they didn't get enough presents, or they dropped their phone, or something something beer pong.
But who had THE WORST Christmas? Judge for yourself, from these 15 finalist tweets.
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It’s so infuriating reading those tweets like “Man I wish INSERT-CELEB-HERE would acknowledge me on twitter….it’s getting hopeless”.
Certain people shouldn’t be allowed on the internet. Ever.
certain people shouldn’t be allowed
They need a cure for teenagers, ASAP.
I thought that’s what college was for.
I work at a middle school, if you ever get that figured out, please let me know.
arsenic
I hope they all get killed in a tsunami today.
I read the title and knew that most of the tweets would come from teenage girls.
#predictablelittlebitches
I’m pretty sure the people affected by Hurricane Sandy and the shooting in Newtown had pretty bad Christmases but they wouldn’t tweet about it because they’re not spoiled, delusional, vapid fucknuts.
I will put the same amount of thought into thinking about these tweets as the individuals did into writing them. Almost none.
There should be an age filter on twitter.
IE: if you’re under 25, nothing you say fucking matters.
/ducks!
Do we have to restrict that filter to Twitter only?
Good point. Here’s my new plan, graduated internet licenses.
Then where will drop-outs waste their time? At jobs?
Why limit your great idea? How about graduated “allowed to speak, write, or text” licenses?
I figured I’d start small, and then eventually cover all forms of communication.
If ANYONE is saying it on Twitter or FB…..it DOESN’T matter…
Someone needs to develop a method to kill over Twitter. Seriously. I’d use my powers for good, I swear.
You’ve just given hollywood another way to get DeathNote over to America with DeathTweet.
white people problems ….
We can still kill them. There’s still time.
I like the way this dude thinks.
This is why I hate everybody.
Twitter kids, I’m sorry you didn’t get the iPods and Hula Hoops you wanted for Christmas. My holiday was fine even though I received no gifts, worked for six hours then watched Doctor Who and Independence Day alone. It was still better then last Christmas when a depressed coworker committed suicide.
Hmmm, 90% being young, white, females. The most “dramatic” demo.
These first world problems are making me want to die. I got socks for Christmas and I was happy because I needed them. Damn kids need to get a job.
#9 gets my vote. And Rikki should cheer up; at least she’s Cumming. Bullseye!
And, being the optimist, I’d like to think that at least half of these tweets were jokes, including #9.
8 and 9 have to be jokes. The way they’re written is sarcastic.
Could be worse. You could be giving birth in a barn.
Check into hotel. No vacancy. Sleeping in a manger with animals. Ugh. #maybejoseph shoulabookedaheadlikeiasked.
Having Christmas with wife’s fam on the evening of the 23rd. Seven year old daughter develops appendicitis. Take her to ER. Appendectomy at 7:00 am on Christmas eve. Go home that night (they’ve got that shit down to basically outpatient surgery). Been up a straight 41 hours by the time I’m able to put gifts under tree. She woke up Christmas morning to a new bike and a cheap android tablet and had the biggest smile on her face all morning. Not a single complaint from the surgery 24 hours earlier. Best. Christmas. Ever.
#screwthesepeople
White teenage girls being dramatic? That’s a shocker!
All I got were shoes and it was amazing!! What are these people’s problems with shoes?
There is no hope for us…
Dear teenagers who are sad because Justin Beiber didn’t notice them / they lost the phone their parents bought them and will undoubtedly replace / have homework / didn’t get enough presents / etc.,
For Christmas I found out I’m losing my job of seven years and I didn’t even say it was the worst Christmas ever, despite my having mortgage and car payments that I now am freaking out over being able to pay continuously. If you guys could eat a bag of dicks and then all get mega-herpes, that’d be great.
Thanks!