It can’t be easy for Nick Fury, having to deal with the egos of Tony Stark, Bruce Banner, Thor, and the rest of the Avengers crew. In fact, he’s had enough of their hijinks and is taking action. “Memos from Fury,” via i09, imagines the notes the S.H.I.E.L.D. director sends after, say, being asked about his eye patch for the 3,456th time or having to reprimand Thor for using his hammer on a piñata. AGAIN. If you have a memo idea — perhaps about the distracting nature of Natasha Romanoff’s, um, legs — you can also submit your own entry.
In related news: Tony Stark, still a total d*ck.
Do not make light of Agent Romanoff’s choice of firearms (referring to them as “pop guns,” “girl girls,” “toys,” etc.). She will use them on you.
I would also like to remind all junior agents that our healthcare does not cover “injury via acts of stupidity,” for which the above action qualifies
Just to be sure there is no misunderstanding, no real lazers are allowed at this weekend’s Annual SHIELD Lazer Tag Match.
In addition, I don’t want to see any of that ‘jedi’ shit where you spin around so no one can hit your targets.
All agents are to immediately cease referring to Thor and Loki as “Miguel and Tulio. Tulio and Miguel, Mighty and Powerful Gods.”
We’ve all heard the joke. It’s not funny anymore.
While there is a dedicated tech support line for computer issues involving Captain Rogers, it is not polite to refer to this service as the “Steve desk,” either in or out of said agent’s hearing.
Dr. Banner will no longer be allowed to know when we are approaching a large body of water. His attempts to “Cannonball” are starting to damage the Helicarrier.
No more ‘Drunk Science’.
After the incident involving a certain mystical hammer, S.H.I.E.L.D will no longer be permitting piñatas at any of its parties.
Thor Odinson sends his deepest regrets.
Thor Odinson is to stop telling people that it is possible to fly by falling and missing the ground. “Some guy at some party who was carrying a towel” is not a valid source of information.
I will cancel Movie Night if Agents Barton, Stark, and Wilson do not immediately desist in giving everything we watch the “MST3K treatment.” This is your final warning.
The person or persons responsible for leaving the book “All My Friends Are Dead” in Capt. Rogers’s locker as a ‘present’ is going to be SEVERELY PUNISHED.
I want more like this!
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